Finding your identity might seem simple enough, but for many of us, it’s a question we’ve pondered. Google defines identity as “the condition or character as to who a person is; the qualities, beliefs, etc., that distinguish or identify a person”.

I identify as a Christian, wife, and writer. These things are what I am. But is it really my identity?

Does Our Past Define Us?

Our childhood experiences can shape how we view ourselves today. Some people grow up with healthy self-esteem while others end up feeling hurt and unvalued. But no matter what happened to us in the past, this doesn’t define us today.

For me, it was a little backward. I grew up having a rather healthy self-esteem (even though there were the “haters”). I determined ahead of time not to take it personally.

It wasn’t until later in life after marriage, children, some bad choices, and conflict with family, however, that the self-doubt and struggle with my identity started to creep in.

This identity I created was of my own making and needed a rehab. It was not what God wanted me to see or believe.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about discovering who God created you to be.”

Where Not To Find Identity

This leads us to where not to find our identity. This doesn’t just include the obvious social media but also what family members think of us, even loved ones.

Let me jump up on my soapbox for a minute. The negative people in our lives will try to shape our identity at times. For you who are upgrading your lives, you will face the “haters” (or negative people). A person hates for 1 of 3 reasons:

1) They want to be you.

2) They hate themselves.

3) They see you as a threat.

Here are a few “hater” quotes for you to understand those truly negative people because we all have them.

• Jealousy is love and hate at the same time.
• Have you ever met a hater doing better than you? Me neither.
• Haters only hate the things they can’t have and the people they can’t be.
• Negative people are only happy when they bring you down to their level.
• Whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.
• Often those that criticize reveal what he himself lacks.
• Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

Don’t let the haters create your identity.

As for social media, I know I don’t have to dwell on this topic for very long because we all know better, but sometimes a little reminder helps.

There was a time when we only had our neighbors or friends to compare ourselves with but now we have the world at our fingertips.

You know better, dear friend, that lives on social media are not the whole picture. Everyone has flaws because we all are broken, sinful people with insecurity issues about one thing or another.

Shake yourself out of your slumber, if this is you. The only person we should compare ourselves to is Christ. Romans 3:23 says that “all have fallen short of the glory of God”. So there you have it! We all fall short so there’s no point in aiming to become like anyone else but Christ.

What Your Identity is Not

Does God ever take you through seasons of “character boot camp”? I call it this because as I surrender my life to Him, he cares enough to highlight areas in me that need more or less character and it’s a painful time of pruning and humbling.

One season was faithfulness, then gentleness, then steadfastness. The next was patience, and eventually respecting my husband, and so on. 

This character training boot camp eventually led to me finding my identity in Christ. And by no means have I “arrived” in any of these areas.

I learned that my identity is not:

• Homeschooling mother
• Business mama
• Model
• Carpenter
• Writer
• Daughter
• Sister
• Mother
• Wife
• Friend
• Blogger

This is not what defines me. Think of it this way. Whatever can be stripped away does not define you. Your status, income, culture, job description, talents, and skills can possibly change. One day you may awake to find you are no longer a teacher, a sister, a homeowner, or a wife.

Check out this beautiful song below for inspiration.

Your Permanent Identity

But who you are in Christ will never change. You have been His since you were a thought in His heart. I can confidently say that the identity below will never be taken from you or changed.

• Child of the Most-High
• Adopted
• Loved
• Secure
• Chosen
• Reconciled
• Complete
• Whole
• Enough
• Saved
• Forgiven
• New creation
• Victorious
• Treasured
• Set apart
• Created in God’s image

Embrace this new identity. Walk-in confidence knowing that your identity is settled once and for all. If it was ever a question, take it off the table and move onto the next thing.

This is YOU, dear friend. If you’re in Christ, then this is who YOU are. You can be confident knowing that your identity is permanent. This means never removed, changed, or revoked.

This is YOU. It’s who you are when you’re all by yourself and you feel like an after-thought.

This is who you are when you get left out of a group activity or when no one seems to see you or give you the opportunity you’ve been waiting for.

Even when you’ve messed up so badly and people look down on you, God sees what no one else does. Reread the list or print it out below so you and your children know from this day forward, who you truly are in Christ.

3-Step Action Plan

1. Trash your old identity if you need to. Other’s opinions don’t matter as much as God’s. Decide that you will no longer believe the haters.
2. Commit to making this your new thought pattern. When a negative thought creeps in, remember your action plan. Even on the bad days.
3. Print the poem above. Tape it to the wall or frame it so you and your kids see it day after day and don’t grow up believing they’re something they’re not.

Now that you know who you are, it’s important to live like it. If you grew up believing that your identity was in your beauty, intelligence, or wealth (or lack thereof), shift your mindset.

As you start to see yourself in your new identity, others might begin to see it too, if they don’t already. You are beautiful and worth celebrating because you’re a masterpiece and God doesn’t make mistakes.

Read my rustic story about how God has taken my messy life and is turning it into something beautiful and creative I never imagined would be.

Friend! I hope you’ve found value in this post and will share it with a friend. Do you believe in your identity in Christ? Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

BTW. Check out this great article for helping your children find their identity in Christ.